I just got back from spending the holidays with my family. We're a large, loud, loving family and we are pretty independent. We all have strong and varying opinions.

(I sound like a mother describing her bratty child. He's not a little punchy shriekbeast. He's just 'willful.')

So what makes this crazy, funny strong-willed family all fall in line for the holidays? What makes us all eat the same things, respect the same bed-times and overall just plain conform? The holidays, that's what. There are certain ways things need to be done on Christmas. Certain traditions that must be upheld. Too bad if you don't like ham. Eat the damn ham.

This got me thinking about wedding planning. Must tradition trump personal choice? Should it ever? On our message board, one of our brides said she was reluctant to stray from serving regular wedding cake...even though she and her fiance don't like regular cake. How depressing for her, I thought when I read that. Then I remembered questioning my own tastes while I was planning my wedding.

Many women, if they're lucky, are encouraged all their lives to think for themselves. "Be your own woman!" has been repeated to us, from every direction, since the late '60s. So we grow up trying to be a strong, self-sufficient, self-determining entity.

Then someone says "Wait - you're not going to wear a veil at your wedding?!" and we crumble.

Even if you end up bare-headed and proud at your wedding, you probably hated when people make you explain your choice. Why? What is it about weddings? Why is it a given that we do our own thing...until it's wedding planning time?

Is there ever a good reason for us to overcome our personal preferences while planning our weddings?

Planning a wedding while juggling the holidays is a little like trying to play the trumpet while driving a bus. Overall - an extremely bad idea. So unless you're marrying on New Year's Eve or something, I'd suggest you postpone any hardcore planning over the holidays. You'll only end up making your family mad and yourself, mental.

That's not to say you can't do some 'market research' this month. Having the family all gathered is a perfect time to poll them on preferences, get their schedules, and plant some save-the-dates along the way. Other ways to subtly sneak in some wedding planning...

** Test drive your gown on Christmas morning. You will need to know how comfortable it is to open gifts wearing your dress. So ignore any protests from your family, or as I call them - that 'bunch of jealous flannel-wearers.'

** Start memorizing your vows by singing them to every Christmas song that comes on the radio. Loudly. In the car, too.

** Stuff everyone's stocking with cans of Slim-Fast. Mustn't pork up before the wedding photos. You have to look at that album for the rest of your life!

I find the whole Tom Cruise marriage thing extremely funny, and a little creepy. But let's focus on the funny!

It's funny to me that he's completely lost his mind, on a very public scale. It's totally funny that he picked Joey to be his zombie bride. Joey from the 'Creek! But the most amusing thing to come of his little sham show is the public mockery. Entire websites are being created for the sole purpose of making fun of this union. Esteemed magazines and TV shows are stooping to make winky digs of the "TomKat" marriage. (Note: that was the first and the last time I will ever use the term TomKat.)

This whole new Industry of Mock has even spawned an online registry. Faux, I'm sure, but still funny that someone would take the time to register on their behalf. I mean - I found creating my OWN registry a little tedious. And I was getting the free stuff. One of the reasons I know this registry is not for real is because a wine bottle display thingy was listed and we all know that TC doesn't drink. L.Ron told him not to trust grapes or something.

But the main reason I think its fake is because if you're Tom freaking Cruise, are you really going to register for glasses that cost $8.50 each? Is Oprah really going to buy you two of those? Will Spielberg arriveto the wedding with an $11.00 butter dish? I'm thinking no.

So here's my question. If you were banked like Tom, and hung with Oprah types, what would you register for?

Can you even imagine how fun creating a registry like that would be? Me, I'd skip the whole department store route altogether and register at like, say, Audi.com. Or maybe Expedia.

Skip the toaster, buddy. Send my butt to Paris!

I look at my dog and shake my head. It doesn't make sense. Something's not right. I should not find my dog so utterly fascinating, but I do.

All my life I've sought excitement. I come from a big, stable, suburban family so I took things like 'security' and 'trust' for granted. As I grew, I felt I didn't need more things or people in my life making me feel safe - I needed thrills, man!

One way I kept things interesting was through my choice of friends. All throughout college, I found myself hanging around the weird 'artistic types' and sharp-witted jerks that no one else could stand. As long as they were different and unpredictable, I wanted them around. They were fun to watch! Nice people bored the crap out of me.

But now, there's Wolfgang. He's an amazing, adorable little exception to the rule. I adopted him last year and by now I know by heart his every funny little trick/habit/routine. I can predict where he will hide his squeaky toy (the 2nd bookshelf) and I can tell you what not to leave lying around unless you're in the market for toothmarks (hair gel.) I see every sniff, bark, yawn and nap coming a mile away, but still I love to watch him. Wouldn't such predictable sweetness in a human friend, send me totally snoozing?

Or would it? The more I think about it, the more I see that a measure of calm predictability already has entered my life. In the shape of my marriage. When I was younger I'd always assumed that getting married would get a least a little boring. The same person, the same conversations, the same personality quirks...for the rest of my life?

But there's a trick to it. Pick the right person (or the right dog) and sameness no longer equals boring. It actually can be quite peaceful. Not to mention convenient.

After all, when you know exactly how many circles your dog will make before he settles down beside you...you know exactly when to time your hugs.