I just got back from spending the holidays with my family. We're a large, loud, loving family and we are pretty independent. We all have strong and varying opinions.

(I sound like a mother describing her bratty child. He's not a little punchy shriekbeast. He's just 'willful.')

So what makes this crazy, funny strong-willed family all fall in line for the holidays? What makes us all eat the same things, respect the same bed-times and overall just plain conform? The holidays, that's what. There are certain ways things need to be done on Christmas. Certain traditions that must be upheld. Too bad if you don't like ham. Eat the damn ham.

This got me thinking about wedding planning. Must tradition trump personal choice? Should it ever? On our message board, one of our brides said she was reluctant to stray from serving regular wedding cake...even though she and her fiance don't like regular cake. How depressing for her, I thought when I read that. Then I remembered questioning my own tastes while I was planning my wedding.

Many women, if they're lucky, are encouraged all their lives to think for themselves. "Be your own woman!" has been repeated to us, from every direction, since the late '60s. So we grow up trying to be a strong, self-sufficient, self-determining entity.

Then someone says "Wait - you're not going to wear a veil at your wedding?!" and we crumble.

Even if you end up bare-headed and proud at your wedding, you probably hated when people make you explain your choice. Why? What is it about weddings? Why is it a given that we do our own thing...until it's wedding planning time?

Is there ever a good reason for us to overcome our personal preferences while planning our weddings?