-Slam-

So sings the door, after our 700th fight about the same thing. A fight about what, exactly? The reason behind the fight scarcely matters (can'theevermanagetogetoutthedoor ontimeImeanhowhardisittolookatyourwatch everyonceinawhile?) What matters more is that we seem to have this fight over. And over. And twice on Thursdays.

So is this a sign of a bad relationship? Are we hopelessly broken? Should I be flipping through the marriage counselor yellow pages instead of writing this blog right now?

Nah. I don't think of this eterna-fight as a huge problem. Rather, it's a....a delightful little signpost! Fights like this are a great way to really zero in on what you love the most about your partner. There's a great way to take a chronic fight and turn it into an opportunity to appreciate your partner even more. Here, I'll take a hypothetical situation and break it down to show you what I mean.

So imagine there's this scorching heartbreaker of a blogger. Imagine she's been married about 4 years. And let's just say - oh I don't know - that her husband is sometimes late. That he sometimes takes what seems like forever to decide on anything. That getting out of the house and on the road is sometimes such an excruciatingly long process that sometimes she feels like getting in her little red car and speeding away without him to their favorite restaurant.

Their favorite hypothetical restaurant.

Anyway.

After a while, our hypothetical heroine decides to take away more than an ulcer from these fights. She puts a little thought into it and realizes eventually that which makes us crazy, is likely to be the flip-side of what made us fall in love in the first place. Being indecisive is just the flip-side of being very thoughtful and creative (which hypothetical husband truly is.) Taking a long time to get in the car to go eat dinner is maddening. Taking a long time to write a surprise love letter or to build us some gorgeous bookshelves is not. And personally, I'll take the shelves and sweet nothings over a quick meal - any day.

So think about it. What crazifies you about your soon-to-be-spouse? And what's on the other side of that annoying habit? I'm convinced that once you flip it over you'll literally love what you see...