I haven't talked about wedding gowns yet, and I should. It's a huge concern and one that can define the ceremony and even the bride herself.

So please. Please don't walk down the aisle in this little number:

Why be a blushing, glowing bride when you can instead look listless, boneless, and "shredd-alicious." Sigh. I just don't get it. Who would design this? Who would wear it? An heiress of a paper-shredding empire? Someone who likes pretty, pretty packing material?

This is especially heinous when you think about how many gorgeous gowns are out there, for each and every budget, style and body shape. So get out there and get to trying them all on. Give yourself plenty of time to find the right dress for you, both with your online research and with your real-life shopping.

Not only because it's hard to find that ultimately perfect dress but because its probably the most exciting part of your wedding planning. So drag it out! I've done a little research for you, and this is a great article to read before you start looking. Happy Shopping!

Oh Friday. What you used to mean to us. Late nights of steam-blowing debauchery, or at least a relaxing date with the TV and your couch. Waking up on Saturday morning (afternoon?) - the only decision weighing heavy on your mind is whether you should reheat that leftover pizza, or eat it cold. Then there's the languorous Sunday afternoon of shopping or rollerblading or hell, even catching up on some work so you start the week ahead of schedule.

Ha! Ahead of schedule? Free time?! What is that anymore? Now that you're planning a wedding, free time is dead and schedules are shot. I recall just about every waking minute worrying about and planning my wedding. In fact, even a few non-waking minutes were also spent thinking about the wedding. Like once, I had a dream starring me walking down the aisle- in a puffy green and yellow down-filled dress. I still don't like to talk about it.

So it feels bad, sometimes, all this planning and plotting and worrying and scheduling. It may be the only time in your life that even being months away from a deadline feels like not enough. But in a way, this planning frenzy that eats every last minute of your "old school" free time is good practice. It's a nice dividing line between single life and being married. Once you wed it up, your free time won't really be yours anymore. There will be far less table dancing with friends or eating cold pizza alone.

But your "new" free time will likely be a lot more fun and full of interesting new activities. Simply running his errands with him and grabbing lunch at a sports bar can be a surprisingly fun way to catch up after a frenetic work week. He may introduce you to new hobbies, new buddies, new habits that you never even considered. And maybe, if you're lucky, you might have found yourself a man who likes his woman a bit lazy. And his pizza cold.

Generally, I really like all things Elvis. He changed the face of music, he had a gorgeous face, and was unafraid to really stand out in a very conservative time. (Did you know that when Elvis was a schoolboy, he wore black and pink clothes and even eyeliner - when all of his peers were rocking the crew cut and plaid shirt look?)

I even like Elvis' daughter, Lisa Marie. I think there's something cool, if a bit rough around the edges, about her. But she does make some confusing life choices. I don't know what stymies me more - her rabid Scientologism or her serial weddings. This past week, she married her fourth husband. Now, I understand that people make mistakes. We all act rashly and regretfully. Would you want to stay married to Michael Jackson? I'm also on the fence about crazy-eyed Nicholas Cage, to say the least.

But I'm beginning to find it hard to make excuses for her any more. Four husbands, Lisa, before you even hit 40? What are you thinking? Are you thinking at all?

Well I for one have been thinking. About marriage, and how many different reasons there are to marry even once. Emotional security, children, family pressure, financial reasons. The best reason I've ever heard is "Because I want to link with this person in every way humanly possible." So here I am, trying to enumerate all the reasons people decide to marry even once and along come people like LMP, making that 'life-long' decision, over and over!

As many of you are experiencing right now, planning a wedding is hard. Being married is even harder...usually for much longer, D. and I have been together for 4 years now and it's hard enough to conceive of ending what we have built together. (Perish the thought!) But what's even tougher to get my head around is doing it all. over.again. With someone completely new. It exhausts me. I need to lie down just thinking of it.

I may be old-fashioned but I think marriage is forever. All those vows should at least attempt to keep a couple together 'til the end of their earthly lives, right? It should be a once in a lifetime effort - or else why bother?

Right?

We don't all like the same thing in a man. I'm sure if you put your fiance in a lineup with all the guys your friends are dating, it would be a motley crew indeed. Tall, muscley, skinny, short, corporate, artsy, serious, goofy...there are a lot of "types" our there and a lot of women who specifically seek them. It's nearly impossible to decide on any one universal criteria that "The Perfect Man" must meet. Wait. Maybe there's one...

Your friends must be able to stand him.

Recently, I was listening to a friend of mine gush on about her latest heartthrob. Super cute, attentive, not-dumb, this new guy seemed to be everything she wanted in a man and more. There was only one red flag: her best friend Nancy doesn't seem to like him. For reasons she can't put her finger on.

Through the course of our conversation, I watched my friend swing from elation over how great a cook and conversationalist her new boyfriend was, to nail-biting worry. She fretted over the fact that Nancy, like a cancer-sniffing dog, may be sensing something bad in this guy that my friend hadn't seen yet.

This happens, right? Friends pick up on the sleazy or lazy or cheap vibe long before we ourselves see it. Makes sense that they would, since they're not the ones distracted by makeout sessions and sweet talk. So we listen to them and we worry.

Should we? What if our friends are wrong or worse - jealous? Maybe without even knowing they're doing it, they are planting seeds of doubt in your mind in order to sabotage the relationship. That way, you'll be back to your margarita-swilling always available girl pal old self in no time.

So how does your man measure up? Do your friends like, tolerate or loathe your fiance? Have you ever successfully dated someone your friends disliked?

Gee, are the Olympics going on now? I hadn't noticed...

Ugh. If I see one more segment about Matt and Katie learning to snowboard - or watching Al make cheese, I'm going to scream. I'm sorry but I find the Olympics so mindnumbingly boring. I think I'd rather read a textbook about how paint dries. With CSpan on in the background.

I think one of the the reasons I couldn't care less about the Olympics is that I really dislike competition. I think I was born without the competitive gene. The one that makes you want to win the swim meet, the art show or the cute guy with the girlfriend. Eh, you can have him, sister. I'll be reading in that tree over there if anyone needs me...

I especially never liked competing with my friends, family or especially my boyfriends. Is this odd? I wonder if that's weird. What's the percentage of people who LIKE to compete with their paramour. (Paramour. Boy, I'm in trouble if I'm running out of synonyms for fiancee already.)

Maybe I am in the minority. Just this morning, my own...beau...was complaining of a tooth ache. I tried to comfort him with stories of my own past dental issues. Next thing you know, he's counting how many fewer cavities he has than me. Is this what we've come to, Mr. Man, competing over tooth decay? At that point I may or may not have thrown a toothbrush at him.

But I now that I think about it, maybe competing with your man is more common than I think. I bet most couples keep silent score on something. What is it for you?

How many kudos at work you both get? How many friends you have? If the dog likes you better than him...?

SNL is getting better lately. First there was that 'rap video' that Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell did a few weeks back. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard at TV, let alone Saturday Night Laughless.

But last weekend I laughed. Again! They did a skit that can best be summed up as being a spoof on the typical "give her a diamond', loving couple walking around in Europe ads. But instead of a diamond, he gives her a gift that "not only says I love you, but that I really know you....a bear holding a heart."

Love it. I'm going to get all un-hip here and say yes, I really like Valentine's Day. It's fun to focus on being in love. I once knew this very sour forum poster who LOVED when Valentine's Day came around so she could talk about how much she hated seeing all these "cheesy" happy-looking couples. I asked her what part of that, exactly, was fun for her? And she couldn't answer me. Why? 'Cause really - there's nothing cheesy about being in love.

Scratch that, there is something cheesy about being in love. The little tacky gifts. The buck-ninety-niners that you can find by any CVS cash register. Who gives those? I understand sometimes gift-time hits you when your cash flow is low. But then why give a physical gift at all? Personally I'd much rather have a great love letter, a backrub or just- anything that took time versus money. Valentine's Day is not about the Benjamins, its about the heart. Cheesy. True.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

I was going to blog about robots today but I think I'll shelve that for now. (Tease.) I just now came across an interesting article about, among other things, the sexiness of sympathy.

The article discusses a recent study of altruistic feelings and how they affect married couples. "Altruistic love was associated with greater happiness in general and especially with more marital happiness," concludes Tom Smith of the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago in a report released today."

It then devolves into a chicken/egg speculation about whether happy marriages create sympathetic people or vice versa, but that's not what I wanted to talk about today. This study got me thinking about whether or not people find sympathy and altruism sexy in a partner. Or at least not a turn-off.

How shallow of me to even ask! To even think that sympathy could be a turn-off! Is my heart made completely of coal?! Oh, please. Let's be honest: who turned your head in high school? The self-centered and cocky bully? Or the guy who had to leave band practice early to make macaroons for his church bake sale?

Yeah. I thought so.

But was that then and this is now? Is your fiance a "nice guy"? Do we ever outgrow the appeal of "bad boys"?Obviously, no one likes a puppy-kicker, but can too much kindness seem un-manly somehow? You tell me...

I found myself the other day thinking about how goofy a word "elope" is. Elope. E-lope. Sounds like a violet fluffy muppet. Or a round fruit, for some reason.

So I've decided to merge (marry?) my love of words with the topic of weddings. And came up with a few interesting etymological tidbits.Do you ever need to know them? Sure don't. But they can make for fun shower-fodder.

~ Bridal. From the Middle English bridale which means "wedding feast."

~ Bridelope. The Old English word for a wedding ceremony was "bridelope", literally "bridal run," in reference to conducting the bride to her new home.

~ Elope itself comes from the from Anglo-French" aloper" which literally means "run away from a husband with one's lover."

~ Husband. The English word husband, even though it is a basic kinship term, is not a native English word. It comes ultimately from the Old Norse word hosbondi, meaning 'master of a house,' which was borrowed into Old English as hosbonda. ( Interestingly, Old English did have a feminine word related to Old Norse hosobndi that meant 'mistress of a house' namely, hosbonde.)

~ Hymn is from the Greek "hymenaios" meaning "belonging to wedlock, wedding, wedding song," from Hymen, the Greek god of marriage.

~ Mariachi or a "Mexican strolling musical band," is from Mexican Spanish, from French mariage/ "marriage" , so called because such music was provided at wedding celebrations.

...more to come...

I rewatched Love Actually last night and wow. I forgot how much I loved that movie. I'm no softie, and movies intent on making me weepy end up just making me angry, usually. Stop trying to force me to cry. I'll decide when I'm moved.

Hands off my tear ducts, English Patient!

So what is it about Love, Actually that worked on me? It's the sneak attack of it all. What a funny/quirky movie, say the trailers. Oh, how you'll chuckle and chuckle, little moviegoers. Come on in and smile the day away.

Then you get in there, sit down, start laughing and bam - Emma Thompson sobbing. Ouch. Who saw this coming? Not me.

But that's why I love that movie. That's what got to me - the fact that the true romance rarely is preceded by flowers and balloons. It's couched (hidden, almost) in between very funny, very sad and very real-life scenes. Even some of the more classically 'romantic' scenes in this movie are themselves sprinkled with some pretty irreverant jokes and sarcasm. And it kills me. It works.

Made me think about the nature of romance. I don't think the real stuff lives in the moonlight, the fancy dinners or especially not in the dying-for-you/crying-for-you rhymes of a bad N'Sync song. Romance, as I define it, actually grows in things like the inside jokes between two people. Of course romance can feel hot and passionate, but I think most of the time it 's more just warm and fuzzy.

What's your definition of romance? What does every day romance look and feel like, to you?