Dear Jayne,

I have a BIG problem. I asked my friend to be my maid of honor even before I was engaged (during a drunken party). When I got engaged the only right thing to do was to keep my word.

The closer we get to my wedding date I think that was the worst decision I made. She hasn't been there for me at all and has been complaining about everything. I feel that MOH should be there for the bride to shop for dresses, go to bridal shows and help out with those little things. I don't expect anyone to kiss my butt. My bridesmaids are nothing but angels sent from heaven. The have been on top of things, trying on dresses, doing research online and listen to me complaining about little stuff.

I already tried to give my MOH one little project to see how she would do with it. She did nothing about i! I feel like she expects me to cater for her, and the wedding is nothing but big chore for her. How do I tell her that I want her to step down, and let one of my bridesmaids to be MOH?

Please help,
Karolina

Poor Karolina!

That's truly distressing. Planning a wedding is stressy enough - who needs the added drama of a horrible helper? Since all my bridesmaids lived out of town, I didn't expect them to do anything but show up and look pretty. But many brides need - and get - a lot of support and help from their Maid of Honor. So why aren't you? Moreover, what can you do about it?

There are a few different ways to approach this problem. Nina Davis, Vice President and General Manager of Cary, North Carolina's The Matthews House advises "If problems between you and your Maid of Honor cannot be resolved, ask her to step down. You are right, your Maid of Honor should be more than willing to help you with the wedding details, be excited about the big event, and not treat it like an unwanted chore. The sooner you tell her the truth, the faster you can move on and focus on the wedding."

Karin Sloan, of Let Me Tell You (seller of adorable and really unique bridal scrapbooks) attacks your problem a little differently: " If you're hunkering for drama, you might go ahead and replace MIA. In this case though, given how much stress you probably already have, I would recommend the 'ignore it and it will go away' solution, or a simple demotion. MOH is only a title after all. Stop trying to involve your MOH and focus on your lovely bridesmaids. As the wedding date gets closer and you start to set your program and ceremony details, tell your MOH that you are treating all of the bridesmaids the same, ie there is no one "MOH."

So there. A little menu of different ways to deal with your MOH (meanie of honor.) I'm sorry you are going through this and here's wishing the rest of your wedding planning goes a lot smoother!

Your BOH (blogger of honor)
~Jayne