I'll get back to the relationship stuff in my next post. Boys come second. Shoes come first!

At the risk of sounding like an episode of Married with Children, shoes do seem to weaken a girl. I've heard more women refer to themselves a "shoe whore" than any other kind of addict. I haven't met many "chocolate hags", "turkey tarts" or "Cardigan-aholics!"

I'm not even going to try to figure it out.

We ladeez love the shoes and that's that. Pumps, slingbacks, heels, flats, boots, stilettos, loafers, platforms, sequins, leather, canvas, casual, trashy, trendy and above all- so friggin cute.

Shoes for your wedding are the ultimate excuse to get the world's hottest shoes. Who gives a damn if they're comfortable or if they cost three times what you'd normally pay for an average pair of shoes. Sing it with me, sisters, it's your WEdDINg dAY!

Burn down that wallet.

If you have $500 to throw away on your wedding shoes, these are cute. (Okay, 'cute' may not apply when your shoes are about to cost you your rent.)

Or if you want to barely crack a ten, buy these.

Personally, I think the sweet spot of perfectly priced, perfectly gorgeous bridal shoes is here.

Man. Don't you just hate when you are engaged to a multi-billionaire handsome man who literally hoots and hollers about his love for you? And no one, like, understands?

Poor Katie Holmes. She's our downtrodden every girl, slogging through her maligned engagement to Tom Cruise. She tries and tries to clarify that it's not that he's loud- he's just passionate. That's not a predatory look in his eye-he's just intense in his beliefs. And those aren't lawyers...they're close family friends!

Imagine having to defend your man over and over. How exhausting that must be. Thank God you can't relate...or can you?

Think about it. No matter how great your fiance is, and how swimmingly your friends and family get along with him, I bet you that there is something you have to defend about him from time to time.

Let's say that a friend of mine has a wickedly funny fiance. I mean he has a razor sharp sense of humor. It's spicy and risky and a bit profane. So most dinner parties he has the room rolling with his repartee. But then every once in awhile he gets on a roll and makes a remark about how big my friend's butt has gotten and

---screeeeeeeeeeech----

The record stops.

The laughter ends.

And people start thinking/wondering/whispering "Is he always that mean to her?" They wonder if behind closed doors he may even be a little unkind to her. In fact, sometimes they get so concerned that they take her aside and ask her if "everything's okay."

Of course she's okay and he treats her like a queen but still she finds herself having to explain that's just his sense of humor. His sense of funny is just a little edgier than EVERYONE ELSE'S BORING BOYFRIENDS.

Well, she may not actually say that last part, but she sure wants to. How about you...anything you have to defend about your intended?

Writing this blog is one of the highlights of my day, and of my entire job. I love every bit of research and writing and totally immersing myself in bridal things. Most of all I like the opportunity to talk honestly. It's rewarding to put my thoughts out there in a journalistically responsible, credible way.

Then I was abducted. Big ol' grabby grabby aliens took me. So you'll understand if I haven't been able to post in a little while.

But! I'm back now and I'll be updating the blog far more regularly. Provided I can shake off the irritating electromagnetic field I now seem to exude. It keeps wiping out my PC.

Anyway, while I was gone...wedding crap happened. So to catch us all up, I thought I'd provide an overview of some nifty recent wedding news:

Diamonds are a Fork's Best Friend A Beverly Hills bridal show debuted the world's most expensive wedding cake, dripping with real gems. I actually find that diamond crusts make me a little gassy but one man's trash, right?

Katie Holmes Ready To Wed. No, rilly! Well I'll be. Tom's finally going to make an honest zombie out of her.

Dozens of Brides, Zero Senses of Shame! In Penn State, a bunch of brides put face paint on and ran around at a football game. Yep, that's the wholllllle story.

Deep Discount Palestinian Brides - Everything Must Go!! Tough times have hit Palestine. They've been overrun by a plague of single women. Seems men are reluctant to indulge in a second or third wife, citing sticker shock over traditional weddings. So in an effort to get rid the land of the single women plague, Islamic leaders have placed a cap on dowries and the cost of lavish "status symbol" weddings. This evens the playing field a tinch.

You know, to incentivize men to take on more wives.

You know, because who wouldn't want a man whose proposal hinges on that pricey second helping of slaughtered lamb.