Planning that sun, sand and surf wedding on the beach? Listen up--literally!
My niece got married last weekend on Hilton Head Island in South Carolina. Two people perfect for each other had actually met and fallen in love, and everyone there was ecstatic for this amazing couple. We couldn't have ordered better weather--cool, low humidity--it was paradise. The wedding was held on the beach at sunset, and the chairs were placed maybe 20 feet past the tide. My dear Cari and her prince had the entire Atlantic Ocean before them, and she looked absolutely gorgeous. They had no attendants. It was just Cari, Brian and the Justice of the Peace standing close to the 50 seated people behind them. I had scoped out a second-row, aisle seat, because I didnt want to miss a thing! Waves gently lapping the shore. Seagulls singing as they fly overhead. The wind keeping us cool. The ceremony began. Now remember--I'm on the second row, maybe six feet from the JP. It became instantly apparent that I had picked the right seat. It was tough, but I could actually hear what was being said. Well, partially. I think the fact that I could read the JP's lips helped me understand what he was saying. So maybe there were eight of us in the audience who could hear the proceedings--all by virtue of the fact that we were sitting in that small magic circle close to the the couple. As far as I'm concerned, the only people who needed to hear what the JP was saying were Cari and Brian--but it would have been nice if everyone could have heard it. I'm telling you all this because, if you're planning a beach wedding--and you want all your guests to enjoy the ceremony--consider having a battery-operated sound system and amplifier on hand in the sand. Or have them turn down volume on the ocean and the wind...

There I was, perusing a wedding Web site's list of FAQs, when I came across the question, "How do I choose a theme for my wedding?" The answer suggested that you look at movie titles for theme ideas, and the three most popular movie-title themes (according to these guys) are "Somewhere in Time", "Titanic" and "Beauty and the Beast." "Somewhere in Time" I can understand. The title is meaningful, the costuming would lend itself beautifully to wedding attire and the music is very moving. I can almost see the validity of choosing "Beauty and the Beast" as a theme, though the title itself appears to be a slap in the face to the groom--or (gasp!) maybe even the bride. What I don't understand is why anyone would base her wedding plans and decor on a movie about a sinking ship! Granted, "Titanic" included a great (though fictional) love story, and wedding attire based on the period would certainly be elegant (unless, of course, you dress the wedding party in clothes worn by folks in steerage rather than first class...) But still--it's a sinking ship! How would your invitations read? "Join us as we go down...the aisle?" Would the wedding party wear life vests over their dresses and tuxes? Would a string quartet play "Nearer My God to Thee" as you march down the aisle? I still can't fathom it (pun definitely intended!)I don't know about you, but if there's any truth to the concept of "self-fulfilling prophecy", I'd be steering clear of "Titanic" as my wedding theme.

American weddings. We've all been to our share. Except for a few differences (i.e. Latin spoken at Catholic ceremonies, Hebrew at Jewish ceremonies, etc.), they pretty much look the same. The bride wears white, marches down the aisle, the couple says their vows and seals them with a kiss, then it's off to the reception--heavy appetizers, a seated dinner, their first dance, a toast or two, cutting the cake, off on their honeymoon. To see something different, we have to step out of our comfort zone and into another culture. I thought it might be fun to "jog the blog" around the world to see how other couples tie the proverbial knot. We won't go into all the details--just a few of the more interesting traditions. First up--Sudan. The Republic of Sudan is in Africa just south of Egypt and borders the Red Sea. It's also the tenth largest country in the world. So how do they do it in Sudan? Sudan is predominantly Muslim, and their wedding ceremonies reflect that. Among the Sudanese wedding traditions is an egg breaking ceremony, called nincak endog, which requires the couple to stand facing each other in front of their house. The bridegroom stands outside the entrance and the bride stands inside. The ceremony is conducted by the Sudanese equivalent of an American 'maid of honor', who remains an advisor throughout the marriage. In this ceremony, seven broomsticks are burnt and thrown away, dramatizing the discarding of bad habits which endanger married life. The groom is pronounced master of his house when the egg is broken. His bride cleans the his foot with water from a kendi, an earthen water jug which represents peace. Then she breaks the kendi and crosses over a log into the house, demonstrating willing obedience to her future husband. She is fed a dish of turmeric sticky rice with yellow spiced chicken to symbolize the last time the parents of the bride will feed their daughter. A little later in the ceremony, the couple is given a barbecued spiced chicken to pull apart on a signal from the 'maid of honor'. According to tradition, the one who gets the larger piece will bring in the larger share of the family fortune. The ceremony also portrays the importance of working together to acquire fortune.
I don't know about you, but I think watching a bride and groom take apart a barbecued chicken would be infinitely more fun than watching them smear wedding cake on each other's face. Just one stop and I'm already intrigued by what happens at weddings in other parts of the globe. Stay wired.

I've often wondered that. How involved in wedding planning are most grooms-to-be? Do they like participating? Do they feel left out if the bride-to-be is a control freakt? Is there really anything a guy can do in the wedding-planning process? I do believe there are, but he has to demonstrate a) that he wants to be involved and b) that he's got the taste or talent to pull it off. For instance, if your intended is great with money, have him manage the budget. (This is a great way to learn how finances will affect your marriage...) If he likes to eat (and most guys do), let him help you select the menu. There are a few other things you can share with or hand off to Mr. Right--let him help you compile the guest list (and trim it down, if necessary) and pick the locations for the ceremony and reception. If he's got good taste, let him pick out the attire for his best man and groomsmen. He can choose and purchase their gifts, too. Have him choose the band or DJ, and give him a shot at choosing the photographer and videographer. But there's one thing a groom-to-be can do that takes precedence over all this other stuff. He can help you reduce the stress and tension while you prepare for the big day. That's right. Whatever it takes! A dinner out. A hug or three. A serious back rub. A night of unbridled passion (if you're not too tired.) So there you are. Lots of wedding planning possibilities for the guys. Let him choose what he'd like to do--except for that last one. If he's good at that, it will make up for anything else he doesn't do...

I stepped outside this morning and felt the first real hint of fall in the air. After an August of record-setting heat, often past the 100-degree mark, I'm beyond ready for autumn. It's far-and-away my favorite time of year. In fact, I dismiss summer as "the Gateway to Fall". I often wonder why brides choose summer months for their ceremonies rather than the cool, low-humidity (good hair days!) of autumn. The colors of fall are magnificent, summer bugs have bugged out, you don't have to fight with countless numbers of June brides over venues and caterers, and best of all, air fares and hotel rates are cheaper (better honeymoon! happier out-of-town guests!) A question to those of you who are choosing a June wedding date: Why? I'd love to hear your reasons!

Nobody wants to look stupid, especially at her bachelorette party--and most especially if you're going to be in public. That's why my niece put up a minor protest when we all insisted that she wear the wacky bridal veil cap we purchased for the occasion. A couple of drinks at the house before we left for our night on the town loosened her up enough to wear the baseball cap veil as we went bar hopping in one of the more upscale nightlife areas in Atlanta. It didn't take long to learn the true value of a bride-to-be looking silly at her bar-hopping bachelorette party. Everywhere we went, generous bar patrons celebrated with us and bought us drinks--not just for the bride-to-be, but for all ten of us! We all got nice and toasty on other people's money. Now THAT'S a successful bachelorette party!

Even when couples elope, there's at least one person who sees the couple get married--the Justice of the Peace or whoever conducts the proceedings. That didn't happen when when my husband and I got married. Here's the strange, but true, story...
We were young, in love and working in television news, where getting time off together was pretty tough. We wanted to get married on Valentines's Day, and we didnt' want a big wedding. In fact, we really didn't want a wedding at all. Our parents knew we were getting married, and my Mom and Dad said that, if we didn't have a wedding, they'd give us the money for a really nice honeymoon. We took them up on the offer and headed to beautiful Savannah, GA for a noon Valentine's Day wedding on a Tuesday.

I wore the wedding ensemble I had always dreamed of--a black silk blouse, blue jeans and black knee boots. We had made an appointment with a judge and showed up at his chambers at least 20 minutes before noon, when we were told by his assistant that he was still in court and running a little late. So we took a seat on one of the benches in the hall outside his office. Sitting on the bench across from us were two women, one of whom had had the ever-loving bejeezus beat out of her--cuts, bruises, black eye, the works. The woman with her happened to be the ex-wife of the man who had assaulted the poor woman. Both were smoking non-filtered Camels and vowing to put this man where he belonged. They were there to press charges. My husband-to-be and I sat quietly while these two women graphically discussed what they were going to do to this man the next time they got their hands on him. From what we gathered--and we gathered a LOT--he was not a nice man. No, it wasn't funny, but at the time we did have to hold in a laugh or two. It wasn't easy.

Finally, about twenty minutes past noon, one of the judge's assistants stuck her head out the door and called out our names with the word "wedding" at the end. We stood up, and instantly the scowls and anger disappeared from the women's faces. They looked at us and smiled. "Oh, you're getting married," said the ex-wife of the batterer. We said yes, and she congratulated us. As we walked into the judge's office, the battered woman shouted out the last bit of pre-marital advice I would hear as a single woman. "Don't let him beat ya up!"

We went in, signed the papers and the license, and the judge's assistants signed as witnesses, but when we were shown into his chambers, the "witnesses" stayed outside in their office. It was us and the judge--and he was blind. Seriously. He was a very well-known and well-respected judge in Savannah, and he had lost his eyesight a number of years ago. There was no book--he knew the ceremony by heart. It was short and very sweet. We were pronounced husband and wife, we kissed and we left. The biggest moment in our lives, and no one--not one living soul--saw us get married.

We're still happily together 24 years later, which proves that it's not the size or scope of the wedding that leads to longevity, but the size and scope of your commitment and love for one another--and the fact that I've never let him beat me up.