I'm not talking about how much money she and the groom get in gifts, like the big prize in a horse race. I'm talking about a frou-frou white purse to go with her wedding gown for the big day. First, let me say that I--a 100% heterosexual, married woman--haven't carried a purse in more than a couple of decades. When I did, it was as much a portable garbage can as a convenient way to transport my stuff. I simply carry a wallet and my cell phone in a pocket. Yes, I make sure all my clothes have a pocket somewhere. I don't carry a checkbook--it has saved me thousands over the years. I put on my make-up and fix my hair in the morning, and that's it for the day. But I digress. Actually, even if I were still into handbags, I'd still be curious as to why a bride needs to carry a purse. Let's think about this...

What, exactly, would she carry in this purse on her wedding day? A wallet? Why? Is she heading to a vending machine for a bag of chips after the ceremony? Any chance she'll get bored at the reception and head to the hotel gift shop for a magazine? I seriously doubt it. Assuming that her father or her brand-new husband is paying--or has already paid--for the wedding, we can safely assume she doesn't need to carry a checkbook around all night. Even if she forgot to order the wedding favors and she sees something that might work in the gift shop where she found the magazines, it's really too late. Aah! She never goes anywhere without her cell phone. "Brittany, do you promise to love, honor and cherish?" Rrriiiinnnnggg-tone! "Hello. This is Brittany. No. I can't right now. I think I'm getting married. I'll call you in a few minutes." Click. "I'm sorry. You were saying?" Face it. If even her wedding day can't tear her apart from her cell phone for a few hours, the new mister is in for an interesting life. OK. What else?

The only logical things I can think a bride would need on her wedding day are lipstick and tissues. As many times as she's going to be kissing people throughout the event, it would be an exercise in futility to maintain lipstick-laden lips. As for the tissues, she can always borrow one of Mom's or her new mother-in-law's--who may or may not be crying hysterically for any number of reasons.

Bridal purses are usually much smaller than their everyday counterparts, so they aren't going to hold a lot, or anything much bigger than the typical purse accouterments mentioned above. So I ask again--why bother with the expense of a bridal purse? Just get a wedding gown with a pocket...