As you might expect, military weddings carry with them a great amount of tradition, ritual, rules, and regulations.  But in many respects, planning a military ceremony is just like planning a “regular” one: you need to start early.  Just as desired venues get scooped up fast, especially during peak seasons, military chapels and halls are also booked well in advance.  It is advisable to book your chapel and reception venue a year in advance by applying to the chaplain’s office.  Check to make sure you are eligible for a military wedding as some rules apply.

If the service is performed at a military chapel or on academy grounds, the chaplain charges no fee, but do plan on making a donation to the chapel.  Some chapels allow another clergy person to co-officiate, so do ask if you would like to pursue that option – and you will have to pay that officiant’s fee.  Your chaplain may require pre-wedding counseling as well.

Speak with your chaplain about proper seating as there are some guidelines to consider.  Also ask about flowers and chapel decorations because rules vary.  The Chapel Altar Guild does arrange the flowers, candelabra, and other décor, and this is the same for every wedding.  You may have to provide your own reception decoration or even plan it yourself.  Part of the appeal of military weddings is the sense of tradition, and this extends to every detail, down to the decorations. And don't forget to look into matching wedding accessories as well.

Military weddings are gorgeous, and a large part of that are the uniforms.  Officers or enlisted personnel in the bridal party wear their uniforms (which may differ depending on the seasonal regulations or formality of the wedding).  A black-tie affair, for instance, would require dinner or mess dress uniforms, while a white-tie and tails event would require evening dress uniforms.  Non-commissioned officers wear dress blues or Army greens, and none of the uniformed service people wear a boutonniere.  Guests who serve in the military can choose to wear their uniforms or civilian clothing.

What if the bride is an officer?  Does she have to wear her uniform?  She may, but she may also wear a bridal gown, if she chooses.  Even the military knows not to mess with the dress.

There are also rules for the receiving line and reception.  For example, if the groom is uniformed, he must be before the bride in the receiving line.  Again, your chaplain is a great resource and can help you follow the regs – and have a great wedding!

The arch of the sabers (or swords, for the Navy) is optional, but it is often a highlight of the ceremony. Surprise; there are rules for this too!  In the Army, for instance, the couple exits the church under the arch.  In the Navy and Marines, the ushers usually form the saber detail, while in the Air Force, they cannot.  Regardless of the branch of the military, it is a stunning tradition.

From seating and decorations to dress and cutting the cake, there are rituals and traditions in every detail of the ceremony and reception. The rules and regulations may seem overwhelming at first, but chaplains (and handy websites!) are there to guide you through your military wedding preparations.

Related Articles:

• Remembering the Men and Women Who Serve
• Creative Groomsmen Gift Ideas
• Inspiration: Nautical & Sailor Style Wedding

It’s really up to you. There are no rules. You have to consider several things, however. First, if your wedding is very formal, are you going to want children running around? It also depends on whose children you are talking about inviting. Are you going to invite your sister’s young children because they are your nieces and nephews? Are you feeling pressured to invite your bridesmaid’s children because she’s in the wedding party?

These are issues that will come up. And again, it’s up to you. While it might feel horrible to you to exclude a two year old nephew—and so you invite him—there’s no reason you have to have every two year old child that’s in any way connected to the wedding.

Any children from past marriages should be given the opportunity to choose to come or not. If they don’t want to come, that’s their choice, but definitely extend the invitation. The last thing you want is to start out your new married life with bruised feelings.

When it comes to your bridesmaids or best friends, you may want to have a private talk with them way before the issue even comes up. Tell them that you are planning a more formal evening and children would be out of place. She may be offended, so be prepared. Talk about how much you want her in the wedding and that you’d like her to be free to just enjoy herself too.

If you decide to have children at your wedding, you do have some options to control disruptions. You can hire a nanny for the day. Provide a children’s area complete with crayons and small games to occupy the children. Depending on their ages, some of them can even help entertain the younger ones. The nanny can be a high school girl or a local teen that you know from church. Ask around. Someone may just love the idea of making a few bucks for watching the children during a wedding.

You can have a separate meal for the children that is more to their liking without having to alter the adult menu. Serve mac and cheese and chicken fingers and they’ll all be happy. Have a tent for the kids, and offer wedding favors or kids gifts so they can have their own little play area. Or rent a bounce house that they can play with outside while the guests are dancing and dining.

Many children are perfectly well behaved and can join the regular festivities. If you have a mom who is in the bridal party, she can ask her husband to supervise the child while she’s off taking photos. You may even want to offer her the option to sit with her child instead of at the head table so the child can spend time with mom (and act up less).

Either way you choose to go, children at your wedding are your choice. Don’t let anyone sway you one way or the other. Do what feels right to you and your fiancé.

Related Articles:

• Planning A Wedding - Tips and Timelines
• What To Include in the Wedding Programs
• Tips for Choosing Your Wedding Colors

First off, some guests may feel snubbed if they are not invited to the actual wedding. They feel they should at least have been offered the invite even if they can’t hop a flight to Jamaica. They may also feel that you only invited the “good” people and that they are second string. To avoid hurt feelings you should consider the wording on your invitation. If you are going to send out invitations to your post-destination reception before your off-site wedding, you will not want to include the exact date and time of your reception back home. For instance, you should say something like, “Joe and Rita are going to be married June 8^th in Hawaii. A reception will be held in Milwaukee on Friday, July 7 at 9:00.” Notice, you are giving the guest just enough information to say the wedding will take place off-site but not so much that they feel you are flaunting it in their face that they are not invited. The wording above makes it seem like everyone has been invited to the wedding reception back home and hence, the guest is not missing out on anything.

While there are various schools of thought on exactly when you should host that post-destination party, it’s usually a good idea to schedule it for within a month of your actual wedding. However, if you live in an area of the country where it is going to be extremely cold or the weather is prohibitive and may ruin your party, then by all means, stretch the date to a time when it’s nicer where you live. But most people will find it odd if you don’t have your reception within at least a few months from your wedding date.

Make sure you enlist the help of a family member or friend back home to mail your wedding stationery & invitations while you are at your destination on your honeymoon. The invitations should arrive in your guests’ mailboxes while you are away so that the announcement that you were just married remains fresh. So have Aunt Barb take your invitations to the post office while you’re gone and you can rest easy on your honeymoon knowing you’ve taken care of everything.

Prepare your invitations well in advance with the correct wording and you’ll have one less thing to think about. You might choose to do an informal set of invitations if the reception is going to be an outdoor barbecue. Or, you send something formal if you’re going ahead with a very upscale reception. Just have your date set in advance for the reception. The worst thing you can do is run off and get married in a tropical destination thinking you’ll plan the reception when you return. You’ll have so much to do when you get back that the plans may fall behind and you’ll end up not scheduling your reception (or not being able to get a venue) for six or seven months after the wedding. This will make guests feel left out. By the time half a year rolls around, the excitement of the initial celebration will have faded in the minds of your guests and they may feel forgotten.

So a good rule of thumb to stick with is to invite everyone in writing before you leave for your wedding. Have everything booked and ready to roll for within a month of your actual wedding date. Of course you can take care of wedding favors and other little details when you return, but don’t hold off on booking a band or hiring a caterer until you return. Have your reservations etched in stone at the restaurant or hall so that there are no unpleasant surprises when you return home to pick up your reception planning again.

Helpful Article: How to Announce that You Have Eloped

Many brides and grooms add a note in their wedding program, usually on the back, that mentions the people who have passed on and are special to them. It might say something like, “In memory of Grandma Beasley and Uncle Paul Smith. You’re in our hearts today and always.” Just be sure if you do this that you include everyone close to you, within reason. You’re not going to list family members who are distant relatives you never were close to. It’s usually just for grandparents, aunts and uncles, and possibly first cousins. But end it there. And try not to forget the people on both sides of the family who have passed on. Ask the groom’s mother if you are uncertain who to list from their side. It’s better than risking a slight.

The memorial candle tradition is a nice touch to add to the wedding. You might purchase a memorial candle for this purpose online. You can also use a pillar candle that you have decorated with faux flowers around the base of the candlestick. Or somehow make the candle stand out so it appears different from your unity candle or any other on the altar at the ceremony. You might choose a gold candle or silver if all the others are white. Or choose a candle that is the same color as your wedding theme color.

The idea is to make a short mention of why the candle is there. You might have the priest, pastor, or rabbi pause during the ceremony, at the beginning, and say, “The bride and groom will now light a candle in honor of Grandma Rose Beasley, who passed on earlier this year.” Or sometimes the bride and groom will ask their parents to come up to the altar and light the candle. It’s usually the parents who are from the side that lost the honored person. Or, you can mention people from both sides of the family and ask both moms to come light the candles or both dads.

Any way you do the memorial candle, it can be a lovely tribute. There’s really no wrong way to do it. So if you are planning on adding it to the ceremony, go right ahead. The only real mistake you can make is not taking the time to ask both sides of the family who they want to honor. It’s a huge faux pas to forget someone if you are mentioning people who are special. And considering you may never have met Uncle Jules on your groom’s side, it’s only natural that you would not know that he should be included in the memorial.

And one final consideration, include those who are closest to you, but don’t feel you have to list ten people. If you find that you have a large number of people to remember in a memorial, consider just having the priest make a blanket statement memorializing all who have passed on.

Related Articles:

• Do It Yourself Wedding Programs for the Ceremony
• The Wedding Sand Ceremony Trend
• Wedding Traditions

Recipe for Writing Thank You's

1. Everyone who sent a gift should receive a thank you note.

2. Keep it real. Keep it sincere.

3. Take your time to avoid spelling errors, etc.

4. Both bride and groom should share in writing their thank you's.

5. Send thank you's to your wedding party and parents.

Optional: Send thank you's to the vendors who have done an exceptional job realizing your vision.

How soon should they be sent?

Life gets busy right away after the honeymoon so I suggest you write them as soon as possible- within 2 weeks – 1 month. If gifts come before the wedding, send your thank you cards right away.

What do you write about?

It’s always courteous to mention the gift and perhaps how you will use it. What else? Acknowledge anything special about the guest or the sacrifice they made to come to your wedding.

Helpful tips in writing your thank you notes:

• Coordinate your thank you's with the rest of your wedding stationery to round out your look.
• Whenever you receive a gift, use your guest list to record who gave what.
• If the gift came damaged, no need to mention it to your guest
• Find a comfortable place to write and a use a really great pen.
• Set a goal to write a certain number of thank you notes each day.

An Example

Dear Uncle Jake and Aunt Kitty,

Thanks so much for coming to our wedding.  It was so great to see you and we really appreciate that you traveled to be with us on our big day. Thanks also for the custom picture frame. We love it and can’t wait to choose the perfect wedding photo for it.

Love,

John and Susan

First, you should know that formal invitations are comprised of one outer envelope which you write the full names and address of the people invited and an inner envelope which you do not seal, but will write the names only of the people invited.

How should you address an envelope to a single person and let them know it’s ok to bring a guest?

On the outside envelope, use just the invited guest’s name (Mr. John Brown). On the front of the inside envelope, write Mr. John Brown and Guest.

How do you address an envelope to a family when kids are invited?

You address the outer envelope to the couple (Mr. and Mrs. John Brown). On the front of the inside envelope, write the full names of the parents and the children’s first names (Mr. and Mrs. John Brown, Maggie, Elise, Tom). This will let the parents know their children are invited as well.

If a couple is living together but not married, how do you invite them both?

You would write both their names on the outer and inner envelopes. For instance, it would be correct to write “Mr. Todd Smith and Miss Katie Jones.”

If a doctor and his wife are on the guest list, how do you address the inner envelope?

Use the full name and address on the outer envelope (Dr. and Mrs. Clay Hartwell) and on the inner envelope write the title and last name (Dr. and Mrs. Hartwell).

If your guest is in the military, how do you address an invitation to him and his wife?

It’s correct to address the outer envelope with the military branch and rank. For instance, Captain and Mrs. George Wendell, U.S.Army, is correct on the outer envelope. Inside you would write Captain and Mrs. Wendell.

If a woman is divorced, how do you address her invitation?

Be certain whether she has kept her married name or gone back to her maiden name. Either way you would write Ms. Mary Black. The Ms. fits in either situation. The inside would read Ms. Black.

How do you address an envelope to a married couple with different last names?

It is correct to write both names out fully. For instance, the outer envelope would read Mr. Bob Holden. On the next line under it, write Mrs. Monica White. On the inside, you’d write Mr. Holden and Mrs. White.

How do you include wording about dress code?

If you’re going to have a formal wedding, you can write “Black Tie Optional” or “Black Tie Suggested.” This will let the men know to wear a tuxedo or dark dress suit and the women will know it’s more dressy as well. Leave out any words that say how a guest must dress. It may seem too pushy. But definitely include how you’d like everyone to be dressed. It’s ok to say “Casual Attire Invited” if you are having a beach wedding or “Smart Casual” if it’s not ok to wear shorts.

Is it ok to print labels on your computer for the addresses?

Good etiquette suggests that it’s better to hand write your addresses on the envelopes. Plan for it to take a bit more time than you imagine. That’s the beauty of a formal invitation. It is not a quick copy or print from a machine. It’s your hand-written welcome. So invest a little extra time. Buy a good set of black felt tip pens and sit down and hand write your addresses. It’s rude to slap on computer generated labels. It sends a message that you didn’t care enough to hand address.

More on Wedding Invitations:

• Ordering Wedding Invitations
• Cheap Wedding Tips - Invitations
• Should You Send Save the Date Cards?
• Do It Yourself Wedding Programs for the Ceremony
• What to Do When You Have Missing or Late RSVP's

While no bridesmaid or groomsman expects a gift, you’re probably going to want to give something memorable and unique as a token of your thanks. The gifts can range from large to small. But what dictates how much you spend?

With times being as they are, brides and grooms are often paying for their own weddings. Every penny is accounted for and often the couple has worked long hours of overtime to come up with the cash to host the wedding they want. So, the biggest deciding factor in how much you spend on bridal party gifts is your own budget.

If you can afford to, spend $100 on each member of the bridal party. That’s a nice round number that will give you many tasteful and elegant options. But if that amount makes you cringe, there’s no rule that says you have to spend any set amount. It’s up to you.

Cut Corners Elsewhere

Consider your big expenses. Chances are the bulk of your cash is going for the reception. You’ll have to pay for meals, alcohol, decorations, a band or DJ, the cake, and more. Where can you pull from your budget for favors and gifts?

If you’re trying to trim down your expenses so you can spend more on your bridesmaids gifts and groomsmen gifts, a good place to start is with the bar. Who says you have to have an open bar with every kind of liquor imaginable? Why not pare that down to wine, beer and soda? That will save you a bundle. Then you can splurge a little more on your bridal party.

Another good place to cut is by doing the decorations yourself. You’ll save a bundle if you do the wedding centerpieces yourself out of natural or crafting materials. And if you can manage to do all the flowers through a wholesale florist, you’ll save another bundle.

How about wedding invitations? Why not order a wedding invitation kit online and make them yourself? You'll save lots and they will still look great.

If you’re still coming up short, why not do the music yourselves? Download tunes to your iPod and plug it into the restaurant’s sound system. You’ll save tons that you would have spent on a DJ or band. Of course, the results won’t be exactly the same. But perhaps an outgoing or funny brother or uncle could take over the mic and emcee for the evening to make it a little more professional?

There are many ways you can pinch a few pennies in order to get your bridal party some really nice gifts. But in the end, you can give a thoughtful gift without going overboard. Only spend the amount that feels right to you. After you’ve factored in all the other expenses you will have, then consider the gifts. If you’re getting stressed  by all the money you are spending on everything else, keep the bridal party’s presents down to a small memento. There are wonderful bridal party gifts you can find online at a discount that are every bit as thoughtful as a more expensive gift. Get creative. You can make scrapbooks of your fun times together or give snapshots in nice frames. And in years to come, your party will remember the great time they had and not just the gifts they got.

More DIY Ideas:

• Quick and Easy DIY Wedding Favor Ideas
• DIY Bridal Shower Invitations
• DIY Flower Ideas for the Budget Bride
• Do It Yourself (DIY) Fall Wedding Favors
• Cheap Wedding Bouquet Ideas

Ah, those four little letters... R.S.V.P. How can four teeny tiny members of the alphabet cause so much grief?

The short answer is that the replies you receive may not match your expectations, and it’s hard not to take it personally or be disappointed. The longer answer is, well much longer! How can you keep a cool head during RSVP drama? Here’s the lowdown!

Scenario 1

- The RSVP’s are rolling in and the guest list is looking a little... lob sided.

It’s common to end up with an uneven guest list, (bride or groom-heavy), for many reasons. Since opposites attract it’s possible than one of you simply knows more people or has a bigger family. If one of you is getting married in your hometown and has more guests as a result, have you considered having another celebration in a second location? This could simply be a dinner or a smaller scale party for the other person. Whatever the reason for the uneven list, try to focus on the fact that your friends and family will become each others’ after the wedding - and look forward to starting those new relationships on your wedding day!

Scenario 2

- Your Aunt RSVP’d “With Regrets: I have to take care of the dogs.”

While some excuses for not attending are totally understandable, sometimes you might be presented with a really lame one. “I have to paint the house that weekend” was given to a friend tying the knot recently, and she was understandably hurt. It’s hard to accept, but your big day isn’t such a big day to everyone. Is that person that has to paint the house so desperately really that important to you anyway?

Scenario 3

- The reply simply said ‘No’, without a reason being given.

You might not be given a reason for all your negative RSVP’s, and it is not polite etiquette to ask. Accepting that people have their own commitments and that it is common (particularly with summer weddings) to have two engagements on the same day should make you feel at ease. Although a ‘no’ looks aggressive and uncaring, this is not a rejection - some people simply don’t know how to express their regrets and would simply prefer not to.

Scenario 4

- Guests aren’t RSVP’ing on time

Even if you set a deadline (which you should, it gets people’s butts into gear!), you may not receive all your RSVP’s on time. Some people don’t realize the importance of replying on time until they themselves plan such a big event. Even then, life happens and it can innocently slip one’s mind. It’s immensely frustrating but rather than waste your time and energy complaining about it, follow up with those stragglers and give them the benefit of the doubt for their tardiness! A simple phone call or email should help you collect the final responses in a couple of hours. And keep a cool head - no matter how hard it is to bite your tongue, do not make aggressive calls or write wicked emails at this time. Instead explain politely that you need to give your vendors a final headcount and would really appreciate a response by the end of the day.

Final thoughts: Receiving some negative RSVP’s is inevitable, and some are going to be more disappointing than others. You are never going to find a date and location that pleases everyone, and accepting that is important. On the day you are going to be so happy about those people that can make it, that you will hardly notice those that can’t. The only people that need to be there to celebrate your love are you and your man, and I’m pretty sure the two of you could do that on a deserted island, so any guests are just an added bonus!

Find more advice for the bride at www.wowglowingbride.com

The first step is an easy one: find out how many guests you have (planning for those one or two who RSVP at the last minute or decide to bring another guest) and how many tables and chairs you will need.  Call your reception venue and ask how they will be arranging the tables.  If the venue is somewhere that you are going to set up, like a backyard, then work on the configuration first.  How would you like the tables arranged, and how many people will fit comfortably at each?

Next, decide how you want to arrange the head table.  Traditionally, the bride and groom sit with their attendants at a table in the front of the reception location.  Some couples are now forgoing that tradition in favor of having a table-for-two to themselves.  The attendants either sit at another “head” table or with the other guests.  This is purely up to your preference and which option you think your bridesmaids and groomsman will be most comfortable with.

These exercises are the warm-up. Now comes the workout.  It helps to enlist the aid of both sets of parents if there are a lot of family members coming or if they have invited guests with whom they are more familiar.  They can give you suggestions as to who should be seated next to each other based on their prior relationship or interests.

With relatives and friends, try to seat people who know and like each other together. If, for instance, you invite your five work friends, have them sit together.  If you have six or seven person tables, add a couple that you think will mingle well with them.  If you have “random” guests, or those who don’t know your other guests, try to pair them with your chatty friends and family members so they feel more comfortable at your reception.  If you make an entire table of these unrelated, unfamiliar guests, chances are they will become bored or uncomfortable, especially if they are more reserved or quiet.

The seating at tables is difficult, but the positioning of the place cards at the tables can be even more challenging.  Your mother wants to be front and center, his mother wants to be right up there, too.  Your best friend wants to be at the table closest to the couple, but your aunt thinks that is her rightful place.  People seem to think that the closer they are to the table, the more important they are to the wedding!

Feelings can be hurt.  Before you start worrying about that, worry about things like children and elderly or handicapped guests.  Small children may need to be close to exits or bathrooms, and you might want to arrange tables of similarly aged children together.  Elderly guests may need to be within short walking distance to the buffet line or among the tables that do not have to be moved for dancing.  These types of considerations trump whose mom feels most important.

Seating parents can be a big challenge, especially if there are step-parents to consider in the seating chart.  Your mother may not want to sit with your father and his new wife, for instance.  Traditionally, the best table is reserved for the bride’s parents, with the second best going to the groom’s.  If one or both sets of parents are divorced, have a table for the mother and a separate one for the father (unless their relationship is completely amicable, which may be rare).  Maternal and paternal grandparents can then sit with their children.  If there is room, you can seat siblings and significant others here.

In general, you then seat other close relatives closer to the head table.  After close relatives are seated, you can arrange the remaining guests in a way that is most convenient.  To avoid hard feelings, make sure to visit each and every table at your reception.  Starting at the back is perhaps the best idea, as is spending a little extra time there.

No matter how hard you try, someone will always manage to be offended or feel slighted.  There is really no way to get around this if you have friends and family members like this.  The best tip is to arrange people as they and you will feel most comfortable.  If the would-be offended guest is very important to you, like your mother, you could save yourself the trouble and just ask her where she would like to sit.

Another helpful resource is this article on Seating Chart Creation Tips.

First, you should know that formal invitations are comprised of one outer envelope which you write the full names and address of the people invited and an inner envelope which you do not seal, but will write the names only of the people invited.

How should you address an envelope to a single person and let them know it’s ok to bring a guest?

On the outside envelope, use just the invited guest’s name (Mr. John Brown). On the front of the inside envelope, write Mr. John Brown and Guest.

How do you address an envelope to a family when kids are invited?

You address the outer envelope to the couple (Mr. and Mrs. John Brown). On the front of the inside envelope, write the full names of the parents and the children’s first names (Mr. and Mrs. John Brown, Maggie, Elise, Tom). This will let the parents know their children are invited as well.

If a couple is living together but not married, how do you invite them both?

You would write both their names on the outer and inner envelopes. For instance, it would be correct to write “Mr. Todd Smith and Miss Katie Jones.”

If a doctor and his wife are on the guest list, how do you address the inner envelope?

Use the full name and address on the outer envelope (Dr. and Mrs. Clay Hartwell) and on the inner envelope write the title and last name (Dr. and Mrs. Hartwell).

If your guest is in the military, how do you address a wedding invitation to him and his wife?

It’s correct to address the outer envelope with the military branch and rank. For instance, Captain and Mrs. George Wendell, U.S.Army, is correct on the outer envelope. Inside you would write Captain and Mrs. Wendell.

If a woman is divorced, how do you address her invitation?

Be certain whether she has kept her married name or gone back to her maiden name. Either way you would write Ms. Mary Black. The Ms. fits in either situation. The inside would read Ms. Black.

How do you address an envelope to a married couple with different last names?

It is correct to write both names out fully. For instance, the outer envelope would read Mr. Bob Holden. On the next line under it, write Mrs. Monica White. On the inside, you’d write Mr. Holden and Mrs. White.

How do you include wording about dress code?

If you’re going to have a formal wedding, you can write “Black Tie Optional” or “Black Tie Suggested.” This will let the men know to wear a tuxedo or dark dress suit and the women will know it’s more dressy as well. Leave out any words that say how a guest must dress. It may seem too pushy. But definitely include how you’d like everyone to be dressed. It’s ok to say “Casual Attire Invited” if you are having a beach wedding or “Smart Casual” if it’s not ok to wear shorts.

Is it ok to print labels on your computer for the addresses?

Good etiquette suggests that it’s better to hand write your addresses on the envelopes. Plan for it to take a bit more time than you imagine. That’s the beauty of a formal invitation. It is not a quick copy or print from a machine. It’s your hand-written welcome. So invest a little extra time. Buy a good set of black felt tip pens and sit down and hand write your addresses. It’s rude to slap on computer generated labels. It sends a message that you didn’t care enough to hand address.

For more invitation advice, try some of the following articles:

Should You Send Save the Date Cards?

Do It Yourself Wedding Programs for the Ceremony

What to Do When You Have Missing or Late RSVPs