Etiquette Schmetiquette

Let's be honest. Some people go a little nuts with the wedding etiquette. If you obeyed every single traditional wedding rule, you would have a lot of ulcers and almost no fun planning your wedding. So it's fine to take etiquette with a grain, if not a boulder, of salt. There's a way to keep things fun and loose and still stay tasteful and correct.

Here's what I consider to be some of the more important do's and don'ts when it comes to all things etiquette...

Fashion Faux Pas - While the days of fashion absolutes are far behind us, it still may be smart to at least consider some of the "old-fashioned" rules. For instance, it's no longer a no-no for guests and bridesmaids to wear black. But try to do in a more ornate and less funeral way. Avoid stark black clothing and instead opt for a bit of glitz and glamour.

These days it's not only okay for brides and her attendants to 'go strapless'... it's wildly popular. But if you're getting married in a church or if you have a lot of dear old grand dames involved in your wedding, be sensitive. Feeling feminine and pretty is totally appropriate. Loads of cleavage might not be.

Gift Horses - While some still think it's odd to register for things like honeymoons and other 'group chip-ins', many brides are doing exactly that these days. It's your call. But do be careful about gift and registry notices. You don't want your wedding to feel like a cash-party, nor do you want guests to feel obligated to give you a gift. Be gentle and subtle with your registry information. And by all means - make sure you register for a wide range for gifts in a very wide price range.

Party Downers - Showers are a fantastic opportunity for people to get together and spoil the betrothed couple a little bit. They're also a great way for the bridal party to feel like they're part of the wedding planning action. Just make sure that they don't plan too many showers that involve the same pool of friends and family. Attending one or two showers is a delight and a labor of love. Attending (and buying gifts for!) three or four showers, thrown by your aunts, your co-workers, and your college buddies, is a bit tiring.

Also - keep the usual social etiquette in mind when planning themed parties, like your bachelorette party or your rehearsal dinner. You wouldn't subject your sweet conservative aunt to a party involving R-rated gag gifts, so don't ask her to be comfortable with it at your bachelorette party. And if a large majority of your intended's family is Jewish, try to involve their faith at the rehearsal dinner and the reception. That's your family now too, and being considerate of their religion is a great way to start your life as one of their favorite new relatives!

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